No Worse Feeling

There are several worse feelings for me. One worst feeling is when you see someone has read your message, whether it be a text, email, IM, and they’ve yet to reply. It makes you wonder what you said that was wrong. What made them get so ticked off at you that they can’t even reply with a comment letting you know they’ve been busy and they’ll get to you when they can? It is one of the worst feelings ever! I guess it’s a sign your friendship has officially ended!


100 Notifications of Nothing

7.3.18, Tuesday

This is my last bit of writing for the night. I’ve been going to bed late the last few days. I really need to get back on track.
So, I started doing some research on getting into a writing groove. Since no one wanted to read my stories and give me feedback (I was willing to give them the story for FREE, but oh well! I know what kind of “friends” they were…non existent.), I had to take it upon myself to do research. Apparently I’ll be the first person in history ever to be a writer, a critic of my own work, an editor, and apparently an agent and a publicist. I’m making it sound sad. Well, it is sad.
I’ve been off Facebook for 3 weeks, and Instagram and Messenger for 2 weeks. I don’t plan on going back on there. I know what to expect already. I once signed off for a month for lent, and all I got was hundreds of notifications telling me who posted what on their own wall. There were no notifications for me. There were no messages for me. I could be gone a year and still no one would notice. Why? Because they never cared to begin with. I was just another number count on their friends list.
They start reading my work, and little by little they disappear like flies. I’d like to think they’re just jealous, but of what? I’ve got nothing they would want. If it’s some sort of writing talent, they can have it. My brain just goes to weird and sometimes dark places. I don’t know why anyone would want that.
My zero views will tell me no one reads this anyway so I’m pretty much free to say whatever I want even though I won’t.
It’s funny how there’s never a balance on the internet. Either people will hit a like button, or they will just give you a piece of their mind. Yet I bet if we ever met in person, they would behave differently.
Oh well! These are just some random thoughts.


Yesterday Was

6.29.18, Friday

I was going to write last night, but I was either lazy, or just tired.

My morning started off with a full moon and Mars starting at me.

And then I had to go to work.

I still had a headache–from the red tide, I think–And then I went home early to avoid going over 40 hours. I picked up meds, got gas, and decided to stop at Publix.

This woman and (what I hope) her son, were standing in the frozen food section for a very long time. I just stood there, waiting. I mean, surely they must have seen me. Or maybe they were so ignorant, they hadn’t even noticed I took out my phone to take a picture of them.

I didn’t really capture their faces, but just to be on the safe side, I covered them with stickers.

Luckily, I got out before it rained.

I got home, and had to take the older pup to the groomers.

She looks like she was smiling, but she wasn’t. She yawned because being groomed is a lot of hard work!

Even Spock was tired.

There was something else that happened before going to bed last night, but it’s embarrassing.

It has to do with the house and trying to get a cheaper rate. I’ve been decluttering and, when you work full time, it’s hard to get things done in a timely manner.

I spent two hours trying to clean… Eh, I can’t. I just can’t.


Down Time

6.27.18, Wednesday

So, three weeks ago, I went to the library and borrowed some books. I had to renew my library card and pay a fee of $.75. That was all.

I went there after my first iron treatment and by the following week–the second Friday–I couldn’t even think to read.

I thought reading would help me during my second iron treatment, but it didn’t. I was still freaked out. I freak when I see air bubbles.

OK, so I decided maybe I needed a push to read a book. I found an audio book, and downloaded it.

I thought it was going to be a supernatural book, but it was just horror. I read Faces of Fear by John Saul.

It was a good book, but I noticed some flaws in it. Like if the girl was 15, how was she still 15 a year later? Also, what happened to the dog?

Little things like that.

Then I realized only a writer would notice subtle things like that, not the reader that doesn’t write.

Have I been too critical of my work?

Instead of reading, I should be writing. But my confidence is shaken.

I’m reading to learn how to write stories, i.e., plots. I was reading something on Pinterest. I wrote it down in my notebook. And I swear as soon as I knock down the recordings on my DVR and finish the other books, I will get to writing.

No more excuses.

Now, where’s a hypnotist when I need one.

I better go to bed before I turn into a scarecrow.


Red Tide


Take two.

I had to discard the first post.

Anyway, I think I’m coming down with a cold. It’s either the neutrophils playing a role, or it’s the red tide we’re experiencing on the Gulf coast.

In my case, it could very well be both.

I’ve been sleeping more than usual. I had a scratchy throat at work. And I had a sneezing spell at work too.

That’s all I want to really say about that.

Anywho. Today was my dad’s birthday. After work, I went to Publix and I bought him cupcakes, a card, and a scratch off. I hope he won something. I didn’t see it in the trash or anything.

We went out to eat, and I went home. I just wanted to get home to my Spock.

I’m hoping tomorrow I can get some sun after work. My psoriasis has been getting bad lately.

Another random thought.

I thought about letting myself go gray/white altogether. I look good in my mirror, but the one at work shows me a different story. I just didn’t want to keep dyeing my hair all the time. It can’t be good for me.

I’ll take any suggestions. I mean, that is, if anyone reads this.

I’m weird like that. I feel confident with going through one transition, but then I start feeling self conscious.

I’m not normal, never have been.

I’ll blame this one on being sick due to red tide.