A Haiku

 

Written 5/26/08

My life is much like

Some birds fighting for freedom

Fighting over food

When I looked at this earlier, I thought that was how I once felt. I guess you always somehow find a way of reverting back to what you were once before. Or maybe you revert back for a brief moment. It’s kind of like being in recovery; there will always be slip-ups whether we intend it or not. My slip up is depression and falling down the black hole. It doesn’t happen quite as frequently, but it comes and goes like waves.

~~DJ

Home Schooling

I was going to make my very first vlog this week, but I didn’t like how I turned out in the vids. So, when I muster up the courage to actually make a vid, you’ll know. LOL. My topic this week was going to be a random thing that has been going on within the past week, but this is the popular one that sticks out the most.

As you know, my son was born with a medical illness. This has caused him to miss out on a lot of school in his younger years. He had been held back twice due to it. What did I do? I placed him in a Montessori school, where everyone complained about that. They got used to it, and now they’re complaining about my next step to catching him up: Homeschooling.

Keep in mind, this wasn’t the first time I have thought about it. I have thought about this many times now. I hear all these stories about how people home school their child, and they excel better than if they were in a public school. I want that same chance for my son. I want him to feel confident in everything he does. To tell the truth, I would rather do this now, than to see him two years from now dropping out of school. Most people that drop out usually have no intentions of getting their GED until it’s too late.

When I moved down here, I was told that I wouldn’t have enough credits to graduate, and I would have to take another year of high school. I said the hell with that, and I went to school to get my GED. It took me two years to receive that because I had no transportation, and my parents weren’t willing to help me out all the times I wanted to go. I want my son to feel that I am there for him as a parent. I want him to know that I won’t let him down, and I won’t let him be a letdown to himself. Does that make sense? Here is the age old problem, as always that seems to be a concern in matters of how I raise MY child.

I have that kind of depression to where I try to look at the bright side of things because life to me is sad. Andy, my husband, has that kind of depression that no matter what you do or say, it will never be good enough. He never wants to look for the brighter side of things. His glass isn’t half empty, but rather it is empty…and there is a hole in the bottom of the glass. That is some of the differences between us. Andy’s mom, is the exact same way. The both of them put up this front, but behind closed curtains, you see their true colors. It’s murky colors they show. Anyway, let me tell you what is bringing this on.

I told my mother in law I plan on home schooling Casey, and she told me that I don’t have what it takes to do that. Meanwhile, she praises what a good preschool teacher I am; she praises me on what a good mother I am; but to be a teacher to my kid, and we have a whole different story. What gives?

Andy is behaving the same way, and he even went above and beyond to tell everyone in his family my business. It’s none of their business. Then he’s telling me that if one day goes by that I am not teaching him and he will call the cops on me???? I’m sorry, did I hear that right??? He’s going to call the cops on me and his sister, who is a teacher, told him that he can do that????

You know something? If this were their idea to do the home schooling thing, they wouldn’t have a problem. Andy’s mom didn’t have a problem with him going to one elementary school and another because they were her decisions. But when the one, who gave the child the breath of life, makes a decision, it’s suddenly the wrong thing???? SMDH!!!

All I ask for is some positive reinforcement, and all they give me is a handful of negative crap. I don’t understand it. Andy has been harping on me because I haven’t found a job. Then he insults me and tells me that it’s motivation. When I tell him it’s not, he starts saying things nicer. But his tone gives out sarcasm. I can’t stand it. I’ve been writing a book, and all I get is, “If you think you can find a publisher…” It’s not even a positive feedback from him. It’s almost like they don’t want you to succeed. But I’m not worried about me succeeding as much as wanting my son to succeed. A parent should always want whats best for their child. They should not be jealous and feel threatened because soon their child will be more successful than them. There should never be a competitive feel between a parent and child.

Anyway, now that I rambled, I will just leave with this…I know what I’m doing is the right thing. I’m not one of those people that are like, “Oh, I’ll show you that I can prevail.” I’m just the type that does, and never throws it back at someone.

Here is the way that I see home schooling. If it doesn’t work out, then he will go back to public school. No BFD, right?

That is it from the peanut gallery…I’m enclosing a positive video because I have to have that pocket full of sunshine.

~~DJ