I had an outburst when I was 14, and was immediately sent to my shrink. Yes, back in the high school I went to, there was a shrink. It seemed like the place I lived in had everything possibly imaginable. It is nothing like down here where they either haven’t heard of it, or they don’t have the funding to get it. In any case, my outburst caused me to be the laughing stock of that class.
For weeks, I would try to avoid the students outside the classroom. I did not need to be reminded of my behavior. I was a paranoid child. I never heard voices in my head, so I think that rules out schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is usually a heretic disease. I know of no one in my family with that. I had family members, however, that would talk to themselves. I think that is normal though, don’t you? As long as you don’t answer yourself back, right? LOL. Paranoia was very much strong in me.
If two people were talking and one looked my way, I swore they were talking about me. I always felt like people were doing nothing but bad-mouthing me all of the time. I was a very insecure teenager. I had so many problems, and it made me anti-social.
By the time I reached 13, my teeth didn’t grow in the way most kids’ teeth do. They started growing in crookedly, and I had grown very self-conscious of it. I had my grandma take me to the dentist, but they couldn’t place me in braces. They told me that I had juvenile periodontitis, and if they were to put the braces on, they wouldn’t be able to take them off for fear my teeth would fall out.
They said there was hope, that I could get surgery done to cure it. So my grandma took me to the dentist, and they said all they could do were cleanings. They said the reason for this was if they did the surgery, chances were I would have to come back in a few years. Instead, I was there every month for three years dealing with them when they could have done the surgery. The more I think back on it, the more I realize they just wanted to squeeze my grandma out of every dime she had, or however the expression goes.
In any case, my problem went away by 17. Everything was fixed but the emotional scar left behind. I’m sure there could have been worse things, but when you’re young, being flawless is everything. It is important especially when you’re a teen dealing with other peers.
I tried to tell myself at 15 to just say screw it. I tried to convince myself that everything happens for a reason, and that everything happens in its own time. I kept telling myself that if people don’t like me for who I am, then they don’t deserve me. It’s hard to keep reminding myself that. I still find I have to remind myself of these things constantly.
Looks like there will be a part III on this. This blog is really too long. I think I just want to get this out, so I can move onto the next phase in my life.