Throughout relationships (both romantic and platonic wise), I was always told what I did wrong in the relationship. So, it taught me what I can or cannot do in the next relationship. Finally the straw broke when I was with Andy. He kept on telling me everything I did wrong, and I kept on trying to change that.
Finally one day came when he went too far, and I snapped. I realized I have been doing all the changing, but no one else was quick to change. I started questioning myself why that was. I told him how I was sick of being told that I do everything wrong. I asked him why it’s always me that is doing something wrong and no one else. It was then that I decided that if they (meaning anyone involved in my life) can’t accept me at my worst and love me for who I am, then they don’t deserve me at all. If I can accept anyone despite their downside, then why can’t they do the same for me?
I know I have my ups and downs. That’s the chemical imbalance talking sometimes. I try not to let it get the best of me, but sometimes that part of me takes over. I have always been one to apologize when I’m wrong. That is because I can admit when I am wrong.
I have had friends come and go. Some friends didn’t like my bluntness, others were jealous of the way I was (they had actually confessed this to me!!!). Some friends I lost because I moved away or they moved away, and snail mail wouldn’t always reach its destination sometimes. I cut ties with guy friends every time I met a new guy to be in a relationship with.
I once had a friend end a friendship with me because I accidentally told her mother something I thought she had already known. One hated me because her ex had a thing for me. As you can guess, these were very petty reasons. I had to do some breaking up on my behalf as well. My main reason was because I would let others take advantage of me.
I am a kind person in general. Unfortunately the downside is people take too much advantage of it. I can only let someone walk over me for so long before I snap. What I can’t figure out is why that person cannot understand my sudden outburst of behavior. They give me a look and ask me what they did wrong. Really? Did you really have to ask me that? I think most don’t realize what they have done until you tell them to their face.
In spite of my obstacles, I have managed to remain strong and calm about any kind of situation I’m in. I think I am like most people. If you treat me with kindness, then I will treat you the same way. I will allow you to ask for a favor here and there as friends should, but don’t abuse the privilege. Also, don’t act so surprised when I have taken all I can from you. You should be able to know better by now.
This has all been about strength. This topic was inspired by a friend that has lost her way. I figure if maybe I shed some light about me, then maybe she can see that our paths are not so different.
Never think the grass is greener, because you never know what kind of façade it possesses.