With or Without You

I’m happy with you
Can you tell?
I’m also happy
Without you as well

My love I give
My love you take
I will keep the lie
So I won’t break

You cannot win what I haven’t lost
Crown of thorns
Bestow my head
Blood of life

Drips from my hand
I have nothing left to give
But you give me away
Despite my screams
To the highest bidder
Crushing my dreams

I’m happy with you
Can you tell?
I’m also happy
Without you as well


Written by ©Diana Jillian



Do I Annoy You?

Do I annoy you?
Is there something about me
That you do not like?
I cannot help who I am
I cannot help how I speak
Whether I speak from the mind
Or the heart
I cannot help my honesty annoys you deeply
I cannot help that who I am
Reflects how you are
I’m sorry I remind you of that
I’m sorry I can’t be a better version of you
Do I annoy you?
You know how to leave
Or if you’re too scared
I can leave first

Written by ©Diana Jillian

Earth Day Has Arrived!!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hello Everyone!

It’s the night before Earth Day. Well, a half hour short from it, and I just wanted to get in one final blog entry before the night ends.

I know when you hear final, you must be thinking that I am done. The answer is that I am not done, nor will I ever be done with ranting and rambling about nothing. This is more about me getting my rump into gear like I had explained in yesterday’s blog entry.

I’d rather not disclose the details right now, but I will let you know that everything is okay…Well, as okay as okay can get. I have a feeling in my gut that things are about to change drastically and I have to get my act together.

This is not me saying goodbye. I don’t want you to think that. I will stop by every now and then to say hello, but for right now, I REALLY have to get my act together.

I wish you all peace, courage, and love.



Earth Day is not just a time to recycle stuff. Oh, BTW: Did you know that your local Publix stores can recycle egg cartons? They can also recycle shopping bags. The reason why I say this is because my local recycling center does not take plastic bags, but will take cardboard, plastic like bottles, and aluminum. Okay, I’m rambling…Here’s my question:

Besides the usual recycling and replacing light bulbs, is there anything that we can work on, or that you are planning on working on, to help the environment? For example: Picking up the trash as you walk along the streets; or maybe going to a high school to speak about how the earth is overcrowded due to overpopulation? Do I sound like a hippie freak??? LOL.

4/20/11: Nat’l Smoke Out Day!!!

I’m not sure if I will put this journal entry into a blog or not. I shall see how bad my behavior gets! LOL…I’m currently writing and listening to The Sickness album by Disturbed. Yes, I am pretty disturbed, but that’s another story ;).

So, in light of everything, I was thinking yet again of maybe turning in my short story writes under a pen name. I know I had gotten opinions before, but it’s not like I plan on being big on the writing scene as many are struggling writers. I was never in that category, but as I am getting older and I have no job, things are starting to look a little different on my behalf.

Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about this many times over the years. I’ve been working on a story now for a few years. They say two years max, but it’s been three years almost already. Well, one year went without writing the story because I fell into a deep depression. I really thought I wanted something to keep me feeling young, important, and like I mattered. The truth is, I have to stop hiding behind a security blanket as I call it.

So, in all technicality, I only worked a year and a half on this book. Well, I probably would have finished sooner by now if I had my own private room, with no interruptions. There would be nothing but either silence or some Beethoven playing in the background. Maybe some J.S. Bach…I like chamber classical, what can I say? LOL.

Sadly, I only have Saturdays alone to myself to be able to write. Casey is at my parents, and Andy is at work….He took a 3 week vacation break from work so the last three weeks, my ears were filled with loud TV and guests that were over visiting. Now I can crawl back into my hole on Saturdays! LOL.

I was reading a story in Readers Digest about a woman that had a creative writing class when she was 21, and nothing clicked in her head until she had to turn in the last paper. She mentions that her professor gave her a D, telling her it was a good story, but he wants to meet the real author of the paper. Then she went on to saying how this gave her hope and when the husband and children were sleeping, she’d get up at 4 AM and start writing.

That takes devotion, because borderline insomniac me doesn’t fall asleep until that time, and the only time I fall asleep sooner is when I’m all plugged up and need my good friend Benadryl. For me, I’m lucky if I could get up at 7:30 in the AM, and write without the bird squawking or the dog crying to go out. By 10, homeschooling starts and ends at 2 PM. Then he goes out and I’m alone for a bit, but my thoughts are scattered. It’s hard to think straight after all that. Then there’s the fact that I have homework to do. I have Algebra to contend with, and even though I got seven weeks down, it will still be another 3 weeks before I’m done with the class…..Yes, I’m rambling. I swear I’ll get to my point! LOL.

The point I was rambling on about is I will get there writing wise. I wasn’t 21 when I started writing, nor when I got the jist of how a wild imagination goes. I was born with a wild imagination. I used to make up stories all the time; granted I never wrote them down, but I never forgot them. I was 6 years old when I wrote my very first song. I knew back then I was a poet. I’m just a late bloomer, and now I really need to get my rump in gear! LOL…

Okay, sorry I made this rant long as I decide that I didn’t trash anyone in here so it’s clear for posting. I just try not to go over 500 words. Again, truly sorry…

So, here’s my question to you:

Are you happy with your current job status, or is it just a job for the money?


Time’s Flying

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hey everyone!

How is everyone? Doing well over here; I can’t complain. My Lent went to hell as of Wednesday, but I still feel good about making the decision I did. There is only three more days, and not many people can honestly say that they can go that long giving up something, am I right?

Even when I quit smoking ten years ago, I still found myself having a cigarette at least once a month for about a year or so before the taste of it made me sick. Maybe it was a bad batch of cigarettes, who knows? All I know is I never want to touch that stuff again.

Anyway, it’s only been a bit over a month since I was really on that site, and I cannot believe how many things have changed! For one thing, you can have an email address. Another was they set the pages up weird, I can’t even begin to describe it, but I’m sure most of you know that anyway. I grow bored with this. I’m changing the subject.

I would have had this blog in sometime before midnight, but I got caught up in the world of algebra. 6 weeks down, three more to go when I am done. I think I kind of like doing algebraic equations…Okay, now I really sound like a dork! LOL. I just have a fascination with Science like chemistry and stuff, so I guess algebra would fascinate me in a way. I may be more right-brained, but sometimes I can be ambidextrous. Well, that is, until the dyslexia kicks in. Ha!

I’m running out of things to write about myself even though there truly is never a dull moment. I made a painting, but I have to admit it looks like a 4 year old painted. Nonetheless, I will post it. I can’t be too ashamed of it now, can I? LOL.

I really didn’t come up with a title. This is the painting that looks like it was done by a 4 year old.

So, as you know I post blogs everywhere due to the Myspace community spanning out everywhere and deleting their profiles in Myspace world. So in one of my blogs, I mentioned about going out to L.A. three years ago to see the cast of iCarly per Casey’s Make-A-Wish wish…That sounded weird, but anyway…moving on.

This was my favorite picture. Casey is not even this size anymore.

After my trip to L.A., I started wearing sun-block on my face because I decided I didn’t want to look so dark anymore. That’s Florida life though. Even with high SPF sunscreen, you’re bound to burn and tan. Well in any case, I toned down my face color. IDK why I’m mentioning this…I guess it’s late and I should get some sleep now. I have some homeschooling to do in a few hours. I’m a borderline insomniac from time to time. LOL.

I’m standing in back of my son. He was on crutches at the time.

So, here’s my question to you: Since I’ve been such a scatterbrain lately and can’t think of how my day went, how would you feel if I wrote short stories in here???

What’s your preferred genre?


Reflections of Me

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Reflections of Me
Tues., 4-12-11
Written by ©Diana Jillian


Reflections of
How things used to be
What was once of
You and me


When I look in the mirror
All I can see
Is a distorted mess
A hollow version of me


Where is that girl?
She died long ago


So full of hope
Conjuring wonderful dreams
All of it is gone
Replaced by nightmarish screams


Will she ever be reborn?


Tried her darnest
Throughout the years
To force that smile
While holding back those tears


How much longer can this continue?


Always knowing when to let go
A fool to hold what is not
Still hanging onto one last string
One last hope to what’s not got


But puts up with the abuse


As I reach out to my reflection
Her eyes pleading for saving
I cannot help for I am not well
I watch her slowly drown, waving


How can I help what’s lost?


Watching the embers of
Fiery flames
My heart in the pit
Of burnt remains


Self healing backfires


Reflections of
How things used to be
Soon I’ll let go
Learning to break free


To start life anew

Random Thoughts #4

Random Thoughts #4…I think…

It’s been a while since I’ve done a random thoughts, but trust me when I say that what I am about to post is pretty random…Enjoy!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Hello everyone!

I have one week left until Lent is over. It’s been trying but worth it. I can get back on site not mentioned to encourage others to do something special for the environment. Earth Day is April 22nd, and every little bit helps. While we recycle as part of our trash pickup these days, it’s still not enough. We should mention other things like how we commute and maybe how we should pick up trash when we see it on the side of the road. Little things help, right?

Last year when I was in an environmental science, I learned that there is an overpopulation going on that is causing damage to the earth. The reason for this is because people are living longer, and people are having too many children; especially teenagers. We keep building and cutting down trees to support our lifestyles. It’s all the extra weight that is eroding the earth, and this is how we will be no more. If we do not heed warnings now, it will be too late; or is it already too late?

That’s enough of that gloomy talk (even though it’s true). I have been busy with writing a few stories on the side. The problem with writing these stories is I live with constant distractions.

There are times where I am capable of drowning out these distractions; and then there are some days where I am so distracted, I can’t even begin to focus drowning it out. Does that make sense?

Surprisingly today, I am able to drown out background noise. Now, if I can only get my mind to focus! LOL.

I’m focused. I’m as focused as I can get for someone that has all these thoughts pouring into her head.

So, as with all my random thoughts, I shall leave you with some words of wisdom I got in an email….I don’t know the origin of it, but it’s good for a laugh.

A random question to go with my random thoughts:

What do you think of my randomness?


Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend ‘ s job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you ‘ re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn ‘ t want to nap when I was

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I ‘ m pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can ‘ t remember the last time I wasn ‘ t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren ‘ t going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don ‘ t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I ‘ m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report
that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people ‘ s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just
nod and smile because you still didn ‘ t hear or understand a word they

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I ‘ ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey – but I ‘ d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every

24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies…..Quit Laughing.