Ignorance

Ignorance3

 

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There comes a time
When one must realize
When to break free
When to cut ties 

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Ignorance is bliss, but
I’m not built that way
I wish I could forget it all
And start a brand new day

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Though, if I did have ignorance
And kept it right by my side
I wouldn’t feel the shame that pours
I would just feel I have nothing to hide

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If I lived with ignorance
Would I still be able to rise?
Would I still be able to love?

Or would it start my own demise?
 ***
What it boils down to in the end
It is all about what we can see
What manifests and engulfs us
Is the only thing we should believe
 *

Written by ©Diana Jillian  Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Getting Caught Up

Hey Everyone!!!!







So today, I decided to do the blogging challenges again.  I figure I better keep up with my quota for continuing at least once a week in the blogging department.  So far, I seem to do well as far as blogging.  If you trace back to my blogs, you will see that I’m getting better at posting more and more.  And who says I never finish what I start.





Well, today one of my blog challenges was to mention a Japanese proverb.  I found one on this website, and then I played around in Photoshop.  Ultimately, I wound up creating this:

And it took me a while to make, but as you can see, I made sure to citate where I got the quote from.  I usually do the same with pictures I find.  The only time I don’t is when I find it on Pinterest and there is no one to give the credit to.  Like there was this artwork of Brandon and Bruce Lee, but no one gave any credit as to who the artist was that created such a wonderful drawing.  I find it shameful when artists go unnoticed.



Anyway…Kishi Kaisei…I like it.  This was a proverb that just spoke to me in so many ways.

In the beginning of December, I was accused of something that I may or may not have said about someone.  The point is when I speak about someone, I never mention gender or names.  Yet this person chose to fight with me because they were miserable.

Whenever I have dealt with bullies in the past, I would just confront them head on.  If that didn’t work, I would just walk away from it.  I would apologize even if I wasn’t wrong in the situation.

I even apologized to this person, but still that wasn’t good enough for them.  I was accused of declining my statement to “save face”.  But the statement is still there.  I haven’t revoked it…I just didn’t think my profile was being stalked a whole week before.

So, December was bad.  I dealt with bullies; my father in law died on Christmas day.  Not to mention December is all around a stressful month as is.  So many holidays and gifts…And the pressure is on.  And when you deal with bullies and death….The combination isn’t great.  And it was worse because on Christmas Eve day, I woke up with a really bad sinus cold.

So January is literally a new beginning for me.  I feel like it’s taken some time…And today I’ve died…And just like the proverb, I came back to life.



I don’t know why or how these things happen.  They just do.  That’s my life in a nutshell.



So I should be around more to blog.  Hopefully, I’ll be posting more poetry.  I’m still working on other projects that I hope (Fingers crossed) to be done soon….





~~DJ

Sunflowers

final sunflower

Epiphanies can be time consuming

But they can also be great
You come across a thought
And it’s become a lifted weight***
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But have to train your brain

On what to expect

I’ve tried for months

To get some good respect

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I needed to live for me

To say, “Let it all go!”

And just live for me

But the process was slow

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But I couldn’t do it at first

And I didn’t know why

Nor did I know how

How do you wave goodbye?

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Then the switch flipped

The bell went ding!

FINALLY in my head

Was a song I could sing

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I watched the game

I played the game

I wrote a bit

I know it sounds lame

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But then I called someone dear to me

I sat alone for my thoughts to center

I dug deep into the corners of my mind

Places where I never dare enter

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I gathered them like fall leaves

Raked them up in a pile

For me to play and jump in

And lay around for awhile

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Now bathing in the sea of happy

I’m living in the world of manifest

But to honestly tell you the truth

Focusing on me is the hardest test

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But once I focus, I feel warm inside

The numbness has finally left my side

Only thoughts that make me smile

It surely has been a long while

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And all of the negative

Are being pulled out like weeds

As I Look around 

For other sunflowers like me

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But as you may know

All flowers of any kind

ARE WELCOME!

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Originally written on Tuesday, 1/11/11 by ©Diana Jillian (That’s Me!)    🙂

That Negative Vibe

That Negative Vibe:  I CANNOT dig it…

Do you ever have those people in your life that you love dearly?  They’re so sweet and kind, but they can also be a downer, and tend to be negative?  I think we all have those kinds of people in our lives.

These people around you may not realize they’re being negative, but you know deep down inside, they are one big ball of negative energy.  And it makes a person like me–who feels this kind of energy–hard to be around others.

Most days I can block them out.  Other days, it’s very hard to ignore it.  And when I do hear it, I feel like I’ve been jinxed or something.  I really can’t explain it.

A good example would be a show you like to watch, but the other person doesn’t watch it nor do they like it.  They’ll say something like:

“Well, when I read the paper today, I read they’re going to cancel that show.”

And all you could think is:  Gee, WTF did I do to deserve that kind of screwed up response?

I’m originally from New York, and therefore, I’m an Islanders fan (Hey, don’t laugh…They’re actually doing well this year.).  But being down in Florida for the past twenty years, it’s kind of hard to be a fan from afar.

No one–I mean, unless you’re rich–can afford to pay for an NHL package of $80 (Or is it $120?) a month.  And being an avid hockey watcher, I’ve learned to love another team:  The Tampa Bay Lightning.

Why am I a fan?  Because 1.) I haven’t been a New Yorker in so long it’s not even funny and even when I visited NY, it was all during the summertime.  That’s a time when hockey is not in season.

2.)  Tampa is about an hour away from me.  I live in the Sarasota area and therefore, I get Tampa games.

So, I’m a Tampa Bay fan…But it doesn’t stop others from stomping on my choice to like them.

“Well, the Islanders beat Tampa Bay twice!”

I’m just like, “So?”

My point is, that stuff just stays with me.  I can’t help but to have that stuff stuck in my head.  Now I’ve only given examples of unimportant topics, but that’s only because I’d rather not get into the more serious issues I’m dealing with.

I like to keep topics light.  I like to have small talk.  And I like talking about things and not have to think about the major stuff in life.

When you live with depression, the last thing you need is for someone to tell  you what you’re doing wrong with your life.  You don’t need them to tell you the choices you make are wrong.  And you definitely don’t need to hear an “I told you so” at the end when it does blow up in your face.

So I’ve just learned the power of silence.  And I’ve also learned the power to tell others, “It’s none of my business,” when it has nothing to do with me and I’m just telling a story.

I also like to add:  “So, how about those Mets?”  Hey, I’ll always be a New Yorker at heart.  I believe I still have the accent to prove it. 

 

In any case, I say, “Blech!” to negative people.  I already have enough crap going on in my life…I don’t need more added to my already worried mind.



~~DJ

Being Afraid

I want so badly to not be so stupid and naive anymore.

I don’t want to fall into those wishful thinking traps again.

But I know.

I know if I go there,

I’ll be tempted to see if I’ve been missed.

I don’t want to be that stupid again.

Please, oh please, don’t let me be a fool again.

~~©DJ 1/6/15

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