I am so torn about what to blog about this week.

I have one shot per week to get what I want out there, and to be able to say it while getting others to notice…sort of.

I was looking at the month of July schedule and tomorrow, Wednesday, I’ll be working almost 11 hours.  I’ll have an hour in between to possibly get myself something to eat…or to just go home for a few to walk my dogs and freshen up my face before going back to work again.

I’ll be repeating the same habit on Friday as well.

I’ve fallen into the trap of “Put me on the schedule as to where other people can’t work it,” kind of thing.

My co-worker is always saying she needs hours because her paycheck just about covers her gas.  But when I told her she should put herself on the shift at nights, she seemed disappointed about it.  She was upset that she would have to work at all.

I’ve dealt with people like these my whole working life.  People say, “Put me on the schedule. I can work it.”  Only later on that week, I’ll be the one getting the phone call asking me to come in for their shift.  In the meantime, they’re on the computer playing Farmville or something like that.

I am indeed torn, but perhaps I will write all of the above.  Right now, I’m working on a blog-fictional-chapter-series kind of a deal thing, and I have already decided to make some rewrite changes.  I mean, after all, it’s not like anyone is really reading this stuff to begin with.

I believe the Universe ignores me most days anyway…Up until the time I say I DON’T want more hours…Then it hears something like I WANT more hours.  Which is so untrue.  I need time for me and my goals.

I dare not tell my goals anymore because I once read somewhere that the minute you speak your goals, that’s the moment they won’t happen for you.

And looking back on all of my goals as a kid…and even now…I think:  WOW!!!  That is spot on!!!

As a kid, I wanted to be a dancer/actress/singer.  As a teen, I wanted to be a CPA.  Then in my later teen years, I wanted a full-time job with the city/county.  I wanted a secretarial job.  I wanted a teaching job to where I get summer and winter vacation time off.

Just recently I wanted to make jewelry and sell it online.  I had a friend that put me to shame.  She makes 10 times better jewelry than I do.  Just when I think I’m being creative, I learn I’m just like everyone else in the world that’s trying to make something of themselves.

My biggest regret was sharing my goals and aspirations of being a writer.  I have no right to be a writer.  I am merely doing what a shrink once told me to do.  Write my frustrations out on paper.

Well, I don’t really hand write anymore, and perhaps that’s why my writing looks like chicken scratch these days.  I can get what I want out faster with typing than writing anyway.  That’s not true.  I can write pretty fast.  I used to be able to write down word for word what teachers were dictating in class.

I write in a mixture of print and cursive handwriting.  Impressive, huh?  NOT!!!!!!

I think…some day…in some way…I’ll be able to sit down and create some new goals….and just learn to keep my big mouth shut about it.

If you made it this far, thanks.



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