I Don’t

I don’t fit in.
I fit in no place, really.
In the real world, I’m shut out.
In cyber world, I’m shut out as well.
I don’t remember birthdays unless there’s a reminder on my phone or on Facebook.
I don’t remember to respond right away when I receive something in the mail.
I don’t remember to send out birthday cards on time.
I don’t remember to send out Christmas cards ever.
I don’t remember to mail out anything right away.

I’m not good at having friends.
I don’t have any friends.
Even old friends I find couldn’t care less because if they did, they would have looked for me themselves.
I get mad but don’t stay mad for long.
That doesn’t stop others from staying away from me.
They think I’m mad and they want nothing more to do with me.

I don’t know what it’s like to have a sister.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a friend that’s like a sister to me.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a daughter.
These things will never happen for me.
I’m not meant to have these things.
And yet the Universe is constantly cruel to me.
I’m 18 years past my expiration date.

A soulmate doesn’t belittle you
A soulmate doesn’t try to plug your nose and mouth
A soulmate would never blame you for everything wrong with them.
A soulmate will always think of you as an equal.
Even if you don’t make as much money as your soulmate
A soulmate would never accuse you of being a gold digger
A soulmate would never make you cry.

True friends would never say you’re being dramatic
True friends would always stay in touch; no matter how busy you or they are.
True friends would want you in their life.
True friends would read this….despite how long this is!
True friends would NOT ignore you.
True friends will reach out to you

True friends…

True people….

Would never make you feel like shit for speaking your mind.
They would never think of you as crazy.
They would never gloss over your newsfeeds
They would reach out to you.
And you wonder why I’m past my expiration date.

No friends.

No true friends.

So sister.

No daughter.

No soulmate.

I try TOO hard

I cry TOO much

But it all goes unheard

No one cares.

I may not remember birthday cards or Christmas cards, but I remember everything else!

I remember phone numbers.
I remember names
I remember what’s important to someone
I remember their likes
I remember their dislikes
I remember their feelings
I remember their joys
I remember their sorrows
I remember to reciprocate in text/email right away.
I remember to be a friend
I remember to be kind
I remember to hide my sorrow
I remember to hide my pity pot

It doesn’t matter.

When you’re not liked, you’re not liked.

You can be happy, and no one will like you.

You can be suicidal and no one will like you.

You can just be neutral, and no one will like you.

No–These rules only apply to me!

©DJ 2/1/16


2 thoughts on “I Don’t

  1. (((Hugs))) It isn’t you. It is very hard to meet decent people these days.
    I’ve struggled with friendship all my life and fitting in too.
    Society and media create seterotypes and people stupidly live up to them. If you don’t fit in the box you’re out!
    If you happen to live in an area where there isn’t a lot of diversity I think it’s even worse.
    But it isn’t you.
    We can’t have everything in life but that doesn’t make you any less of person or any less valuable as a human being…I wish more people would realise that.
    ((((Big hugs))))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s been a rough week. I’ll tell you everything in an email…It’s just time to move away from all of that. Sometimes it’s hard. There is no diversity by me. I’ll be OK eventually! (((HUGS)))

      Liked by 1 person

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