B

Brown Eyes

His blue eyes are staring deeply into my brown eyes as I am trying to open my mouth to give him an answer.  I find myself opening and closing my mouth several times.  Finally, I decide to speak.

“It doesn’t matter what my answer is,” I tell him.

“It does to me.”

“Why?  It’s not going to change anything.”

“It will for me,” he replies.

“I don’t see how,” I begin.  “It doesn’t matter.  I made a promise, and when I make a promise, I never go back on my word.  And this is why I don’t make promises.”

“Then why did you promise him?”  He refers to “him” as if we were saying a bad word or something.

I just gave a short laugh.  “Because he was sick and dying, that’s why,” I said.  “And we’ve been together a long time.  Why wouldn’t I make him a promise?”

He stands still for a moment.  I can tell he’s contemplating what I’m saying.  “True,” he finally speaks.  “We never met when you made that promise.”

“And now it’s too late,” I say.

“You do know it’s okay to be in love with two different people,” he asks rhetorically.

“I barely know you,” I find myself say.

“Yes, but you knew immediately when you saw me.  You had to have known.  I knew right away.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I can make it simple for you.”

I look up at him.  “How so?”

“If you don’t, I’ll walk away.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” he replied.  “All you have to do is have your brown eyes meet my blue eyes, and tell me you don’t love me.”

Lying was how I survived in an abusive household.  Even though I hate lying, I know enough to lie to save myself.  I prefer to be honest so that way I would never have to worry about what lie I made.  But this was a different kind of lie.

This lie I will always remember.  It will possibly be my biggest regret yet.  Who knows?  I guess only time will tell.  I hope in time, I can get passed this, and move on.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to forget what I’m about to tell him.

He wants to know if I love him.  I take in a deep breath, and look him in those blue eyes of his.

“No,” I lie.  “I don’t love you,” I say.  Then I turn around and walk away.

I don’t even know how he found me considering I am here at the library’s park, attending a ceremony he wasn’t invited to.  I press the key-less entry button to unlock my car door.  I go to open the door, when suddenly there’s a force that shuts the door.  In an instant, I am being turned around.

It’s him.  His hands are pinning my shoulders against my vehicle.

“You’re a liar,” he says.

“What makes you say that?”  My breath betrays me.  I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.

“Your eyes change color.”

“My eyes are only brown.”

“And they turn a golden color when you’re not telling the truth.”

“It’s seldom I lie,” I admit.

“Why?”

“To protect myself.”

“From me?”

“Especially from you.”

He smiles, and leans in to kiss me.

I turn away.  “Please don’t.”

I’m not really sure of much at this moment.  My story is a long story, but it can be summed up in a short story.

Long story short, my husband and I weren’t always on good terms. I wanted a child and he didn’t. I was ready to leave him but he got sick. We got married because it was his dying wish. I had no idea someone else would ever come along and possibly ruin all of that.

For one reason, I am too old to get caught up in silly things like romance and such.  I’ve accepted a long time ago that love was something that will never be for me.  I’m spiritually evolved, I can handle it.

Suddenly this guy comes along, and I feel things I shouldn’t feel.  It’s got to stop!

Unfortunately, some stories don’t get a happy ending.  My story will never be a happy ending.

My brown eyes will forever be blue.

Written by ©Diana Jillian

 

PS:  Feel free to leave me your links in the comments section.  I am a few weeks behind on commenting on blogs from a previous group I am in…But I will get to your blogs eventually!

DJ

 

 

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