40

40

 

40 never bothered me
Because 40 was just something
I never thought would happen
Not for me

20 bothered me
20 made me feel old
20 broke my heart
Into millions of pieces

I never thought I’d ever
Live this long in life
But then I did
And I enjoyed it

I wanted to make plans
In order to keep me going
To a very old age
Because I wanted to live

And now it’s too late
My plans are as dead
As I feel deep inside
They’re hollowed and dried

I had fought the Universe
Every step of the way
Because I wanted so badly
For things to go my way

Dear 40
I’m not even there yet
And yet you have killed me
You have crushed my dreams

You’ve left me vacant and alone
You’ve left me an old maid
I’ll always and forever be
A hollow shell of no one

I’ll always be unwanted
Ugly on the inside
Constant self-hating
And forever forgotten

Why did you pick me
To live this life on earth?
A constant reminder
Of a life laid to rest

©Diana Jillian 7/27/16

Never

I always remember to post in Blogger and FB, but never here!

*Amative–Disposed to love.

When you start walking my way
I will find a way to change my day
There is nothing you can ever say
I will always find some way to hide

I can never be this image of society
A never ending value of propriety
And those days arrive with anxiety
Fighting over physical and spiritual

Think the things you do or do not
Of what can, but not worth the shot
It doesn’t matter if the feelings are hot
Butterflies in the mist can linger a bit

Of the person you expect me to be
I’m a lady of values, can’t you see?
In another life, I suppose that’s me
But not when I want a guilt free life

You will have to find a path that’s new
I can tell you I’m always loyal and true
I only deserve a life unloved and blue
For I will never be an *amative soul

I find the theory of everything in sing
Pulling upon me like a guitar string
But still, I cannot go along this thing
Because I don’t trust myself enough!

Touch the frayed edges of the rope
finding within, there’s only the cope
While there is life, there is hope
My hope is already dead and gone

Myself; I am the only one to blame
Hush, hush because I know this game
Came falling down like a hurricane
But I will reason and wash it away

©Diana Jillian 2/18/16

13

Yeah, I’m pretty bad at posting these things on here.  I go to Blogger because formatting is easier than WP.  However, WP is the more popular of the blogs……I’ll shut up now! ^_^

 

 

TO CATCH UP ON THE EMPATH WRITES, CLICK HERE! 🙂

CHAPTER 13

THE EMPATH:  THIRTEEN

In the vast of the unknown
Lies some stories untold
One you’d think made up
But then the story unfolds

And if you look deep
You will soon see
The truth that shows
What is meant to be

12/5/15 ©Diana Jillian

Date:  Irrelevant (In an unknown realm)

Mary finds herself welcoming the kiss.  She feels as though she’s riding on a roller coaster.  The part of the roller coaster where you’re going down; butterflies are swirling around in her tummy.  That’s how roller coasters make you feel.  They make you anxious as you go up, and they make you flutter as you go down.  The only true time you can truly breathe is when the ride is finally over.  It gives you time to reflect on whether or not you’ve enjoyed the ride.

In Mary’s case, she’s enjoying the ride, or at least her emotions are.  She likes to use her brain more than her heart.  That floating feeling is now coming in for a landing.  It’s all starting to crash down.  Why is she kissing this person?  She doesn’t even know him.  This is all too strange for her.  Perhaps this is a dream after all.

We watch our sweet dreams fly, she hears the Harry Chapin song Dreams Go By playing in her ears.  It must be a sign I’m dreaming, she thinks.  She didn’t even remember putting her headphones on, let alone having a Harry Chapin song playing in her MP3 player.

Within seconds, Mary opens her eyes, and pushes her kissing stranger away.  Perhaps she’s pushed him too far.  He has fallen by the tree, and appears to be knocked out.

**

Jeremiah was forewarned by Mallory–Mary’s mom–that Mary might not remember right away, but a leap of faith needed to be made.

The purpose of our lives is to be happy,” Mallory told him.  “We need to get out of this manifested world.”

“And what if it doesn’t work?”  Jeremiah asked.  “What if she never remembers?”

“That’s where the leap of faith comes in,” she reminded him.  “Besides, it’s our only hope.”

Jeremiah nodded silently.  He had never been known to have felt defeated except for the one time before he turned into a vampire.

“And remember,” she spoke again, interrupting his reverie.  “True love’s kiss is not like the fairy tales.  It could take minutes or hours for a spell to break.

He left her and manifested himself to where Mary was at.  He took that leap of faith.

**

Mary looks at the unconscious young man lying under the tree.  She doesn’t understand why she’s tearing up over pushing him off of her.  And out of nowhere it all comes back to her.

It was like her life was being lived in black and white until this boy came along, splashing color into her world.  She remembers how they got onto the island.  She remembers meeting the all powerful Chartreuse–who happens to be Penny’s sister and Mary’s great-aunt–And she remembers Chartreuse casting a memory-erasing spell on her.

It never erased all of her memories; it only erased her memories of the past six months.  Memories of Jeremiah were gone.  The only boy that Mary ever liked.  She couldn’t feel his emotions like she could with everyone else, and that’s what attracted her to him.  But it was more than that.

While she couldn’t feel his emotions, she always knew he was real.  He was sincere.  Whether you have powers or not, instinct never goes away.

She realizes what she has done.  She has hurt the only boy she’s ever liked, and perhaps she’s in love with him.

Tears start streaming down her cheeks as she runs over to him under the tree.  She kneels down beside him, gently lifts his head, and cradles his backside over her legs.

“Jeremiah,” she sobs.  “I am so sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.”  She leans down to kiss him on his forehead.

“It’s going to take a lot more than pushing me into a tree to hurt me,” he responds.  He sits himself up and faces her.

“I really am sorry,” she says.

He takes his hand and wipes the tears from her face.  “Don’t be,” he replies.  “I guess it’s true when they say, ‘love hurts.'”

She gives a little laugh.  Jeremiah always knew how to make her laugh.

“I suppose we should get going,” he says.

Mary looks around her.  She notices how the sky is always changing different shades of blue.  They shift from periwinkle to an almost amethyst color, and then from a denim color, to a pale blue color.  She looks back at Jeremiah.

“We’re in a manifestation world, aren’t we?”  She asks.

He nods.

“Then we have time,” she smiles.  “Can we stay here a bit longer?”

“As long as you promise not to hurt me,” Jeremiah gives a laugh.

She laughs and looks away from him.  She turns to say something to him, but his lips have already met with hers.  She wraps her arms around him.

***

Written by ©Diana Jillian

Running

I really wanted to add a picture to this…I’m just very lazy.  Here’s a little something I wrote yesterday…

DJ

 

If I were to run away
Would you follow?
Would you be weak?
And leave me hollow?

Because right now
I need a lost desire
When hope leaves me
Treading through mire

Would you run after me
If I were to run and hide
Or would you release me
Wash away with the tide?

Because I need to know
Your love is strong enough
To keep me safe with you
That you’ll remain tough

I need to always know
That you’ll stay true
Despite any messes
I may put you through

If you can’t do this for me
Please let me go and run
Let me go in that final peace
Underneath the blistering sun

©Diana Jillian 12/5/15

 

 

It’s Not You, It’s Me

All I can say is, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
It just simply wasn’t meant to be
As I look for sales of the loans I made

I only know there’s no amount of glue
That could ever fix my heart from you
But I know to never be friendly again

I’ve waited, I’ve searched, I’ve wondered why
I would be given false hope, and a gray sky

Whatever it was you made me believe
Was only just a plan for you to deceive

You left me to feel pain, to sit and cry
And now I have to go and say, “Goodbye!”
For what other choice was I given?

All I can say is, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
It just simply wasn’t meant to be
As I’ll never get close to others again

©Diana Jillian 10/4/15

At Least One Blog a Week

I suck at this. I am thoroughly disappointed because I have said I would turn in at least one blog a week.

Yes I post mostly on Blogger because the formatting is easier that way. When I write a poem in here, there are too many line spaces. I don’t like it one bit.

So this was something that was part of my prompts this week. I couldn’t finish the rest.

~~DJ

Far and wide across the Universe
And in the land of infinite miles
You’ll find there lies a lot of gray
In between black and white tiles

Looking in a world beyond the stars
In through a world of crooked styles
You’ll find between black and white
There lies a lot of gray-shaded smiles

©Diana Jillian