Battle Scars

The screams falls upon silence
She has no more left in her
Perhaps someday
But today isn’t one of them

To find comfort is all for naught
For no one cares to notice her
No one cares about her feelings
Or whatever battles she has

She’s left with battle scars
Something she wishes to erase
And become healed
To be like everyone else

Or at least the way they pretend
Because she doesn’t know how
To play that kind of game
Maybe some day she’ll learn

©DJ 11/18/15

battle scars

Spirit Gone

Diana J's Random World

spirit gone>>>>>>

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

>>>>>>

Each day
A little bit of my soul
Slips away
Black as coal

If I wasn’t afraid
I’d take away…
Surfing the grade
Teetering another day

My soul is done
It is forgotten
The world has won
Spirit’s rotten

And as I hide my tears
Succumbing to nothing
Despite wishing for years
Just to be a something

But here lies a reject
Here lies a no one
Why can’t He inject
The final beat of drum?

11/10/14 ©Diana Jillian

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QOTD 10/23/15

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

~~Mark Twain

mark twain quote

For many years, I was allowing myself to be the option.  No one would contact me until they needed me most.

I had to dump those people.  If I didn’t, there would be nothing left of me anymore.  I’d be nothing.  I wouldn’t even be writing this.  My energy would have been so drained…I’ll leave you to imagine the rest.

I was someone’s chauffeur; I was their babysitter; I was even there when they didn’t want to be “alone”.

Yet, I was alone.  No one cared about me when my husband got sick.

In fact, they all disappeared.

And they wanted to remain Facebook friends or something like that.

I’ve been resulted down to social media to them.

I was no longer a human being they met in person.  I was now just one of their buddies online.

Well, no thank you.

I decided to let them play those games with someone else.  I had enough.

Well, that’s the QOTD.  I’m on to writing my blog…Later on…

Friendship

friend end

The last three letters of Friend, end.  They end.  Friends are truly never meant to happen.  We are mere acquaintances, struggling in this thing called life.  We are eventually alone in the world.  In the past, I’ve made room for friends.  I never ditched one friend for something more important.  I’ve always treated everything as an equal.

Eh, I guess I’m old-fashioned.  I value those around me.  I did value those around me.  These days, not so much.

I just gave so much, I have nothing left to give.  I have tried for what seems like an eternity, to maintain friendships.  Yet those ships sail into the night.  They disappear into the mist; never to be heard from.  And just when you think you’ve got your life back on track…BAM!!!!!

They come crawling out of the woodwork.  Why?  Seriously!  Why now?  Why when everything is starting to go good again in my life.  Why come back.

And that’s another thing I’ve noticed.  They creep up when life is going good.  Maybe it’s to drain the good energy I have.  And then they disappear when life is going bad.

Eventually with me, my negative turns to a positive again. But that doesn’t mean I want “friends” only stopping by just when life is going good.  I want them to be with me for the bad as well.

Although…I had one “friend” that just ditched me because my life was going good.  She stayed with me through the bad.  It makes no sense.

I am destined to be alone in the friEND department.

~~DJ

Mirror

They never bother stopping by

And you question reasons why

You never see you’re the blame

Making others feel your shame

You punish people with your curses

And pushing them with your own verses

An “I told you so” given at your hand

As you control everything on your land

And you wonder why you’re alone

Or why no one goes near you

And if they do, It only out of fear

The misery you infest is true

©Diana Jillian 8/21/15