Drained

6.24.18

I can normally handle 10 hour shifts sitting behind a desk, doing data entry and answering phones. But today just drained the life from me.

I’m off tomorrow (Monday), and I’m praying a person that quit will work her original shifts she promised to begin with.

Though, if I’m being honest, if I put in my two weeks notice, I definitely would not bother coming back to work. Two weeks is two weeks. This woman would be deemed very noble if she does show up to work tomorrow.

I’ve had a long day. And I know I need to get back into a habit again. I exercise but not as much as I used to before I got sick. But that was two months ago already. It’s hard to get back into habit.

Exercise produces endorphins. I need those endorphins. I think I also need potassium, but that’s another story.

I need to reevaluate my life again .

DJ

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Disconnecting

6.23.18, Saturday

I’ve disconnected from all social media except for this and Pinterest. I’m trying to keep it simple.

I need to get back to who I was before social media. I let Myspace and Facebook consume me. I realize now it’s a form of depression.

All I did was hide behind a computer. But I lost track of everything else I’ve wanted to do.

I wanted to write. But I would write a few sentences and look for validation from others (who were quick to criticize me, BTW).

I’m a late bloomer. I’ve always have been!

So life begins at 40? Who cares? Not me. Or at least I’m trying to care less.

DJ

Lonely

It’s funny. I’ve never felt lonely in my life. Ever! It was only until I started having friends I felt the loneliest.

Writing is my therapy! I know what must be done.

It’s clearly me. I’m not good at making friends. I’m not good dealing with differences, like how I’m the one who is always wrong!

“If you don’t want to be criticized, do nothing.”

I can’t remember if the quote was Plato or Kate Hudson.

I’ve been doing nothing because I keep getting criticized. How is it that EVERY single person in my life feels the need to criticize and/or shame me?

Now that I’m moving out of my deep dark depression stage (I’m just in light depression, for now), I’m starting to see things for what they are.

They say because of the population, there are 7 of you out there. If there are 7 of me, where are they?

I just have high expectations that no one can meet.

I’m a JAP! I deserve the best (especially when it comes to friends)

If I…

I had always thought if I died, people would feel bad for how they treated me. Now I know that’s all a lie. The truth is they wouldn’t care, only put on a facade.

Seeing my ex best friend made me realize this. And also, another person (I don’t want to say whom) who called me a b*tch after hanging up the phone with me. Actually, my past posts this week can give you some kind of a hint.

I guess time will tell.

I ate some dates that are rich in potassium. I think I’m starting to feel better! 😊

DJ 6.21.18, Thursday

Outfit

It’s funny how when I’m looking for an outfit I find nothing. When I’m looking for nothing, I find an outfit.

OK, so I was looking for a new watch band for my Fitbit. My original one broke, and although I ordered a new band through Amazon, I felt naked without a watch.